The Most Retarded Thing Ever Written
by Der Moose
Summary: Chapter six is up! read and enjoy, me hearties! I also redid Chapter one, it sucked, now hopefully it does not. Gimme some of that read and review action anyhow!
1. Chapter 1

Most Retarded Thing Ever Written

By: Der Moose

Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill or any of the characters

This is a re-write of the first chapter of The Most Retarded Thing Ever Written. I looked back through it, and I realized that the first chapter sucked.. So I did a few repairs.. Maybe it will not be so bad this time around, Read & Review please.

Warning to those who haven't read this before: possibly offensive language, most definitely crude, vulgar humor, and lots of other non-politically correct shenanigans.

Chapter 1

It Begins..

The sun is shining through the window of the apartment, waking our good friend, Pyramid Head. With a smile, he sits up and ponders the day. Only one thing comes to mind of course, having just slept in a bed of rotting meat.

"Shower..." says P cheerfully as he rubs the sleep from his helmet, hopeful of what the day will bring.

He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom, only to find it locked. He hears the sound of water running on the other side of the door, and what sounded like a little girl humming. Figuring it was only Laura taking a bath or playing in the toilet or something, he decides to nap a little longer until the bathroom was free.

Meanwhile.. In the closet..

The light shines through the crack in the door, waking Henry as it hits his eyes.

He yawns and stretches to the best of his ability.

"The sun is up! I hope its going to be another super-duper day!" Henry says cheerfully before beginning to hum to himself.

"Maybe Walter and James will let me out of here soon..." he thinks to himself hopefully.

Suddenly, P. is awakened from his dream.

Aggravated, he shouts "Dammit, every timeཀ She was just about to...."

He stops mid sentence, feeling a pain in his loins.

"Oh man.... I have got to put forth urine.."

As he tries to get up, he notices that his hand is wet.

"What the hell?" he inquires to himself.

He looks over and sees a bowl of water sitting on the floor where his hand had been.

"Son of a... really? How dick!"

He winces as the pain begins to get worse.

Jumping out of bed, he runs to the bathroom, assuming that it was free by now.

His heart sinks as he finds it locked. He grows furious as he hears that same humming sound coming from inside.

"Laura? Is that you? Hurry up, you have been in there forever!"

The humming only gets louder, devouring what little was left of P.'s patience.

"Open the door, you snotty little brat!" he shouts angrily.

A man's voice is heard from inside the bathroom, "Hey, that's my line, bitch!"

P. Is puzzled beyond belief, "That's not Laura.." he thinks to himself.

With the pain clearing the sleep his mind a bit, he realized that there was only one man in the apartment with a voice that high.

"James? I'm going to piss in your fish tank if you don't get outta there NOW!" he screams, banging on the door.

"Go away, me and Mr. Duckykins are playing!" he shouts in reply.

P. Clenches his fist as he hears James whisper, "Its ok Mr. Duckykins... big mean ol' Pyramid head isn't gonna hurt you, no he isn't...."

P. has finally run out of time, if he doesn't piss now, he will surely collapse on the ground and lie in a growing puddle of his own urine.

He smiles as he rips the door off its hinges. He rushes in, and lets loose. An ear-piercing scream filled the room,

"Taste my pain, sack leech!" P. Shouts victoriously.

He unleashes the yellow fury not on the toilet, but on poor James.

"you son of a bi..." James stops mid sentence, gagging.

"Agh! you sick motherfu.." he manages to stammer before vomiting into the bathwater.

P sighs, tilting his head back and enjoying his victory over adversity.

James continues swearing at P, vomiting up things that should not ever be in the human stomach in the first place.

James gets out of the tub frantically, having come to the realization that he should get up and out of the stream of piss. He slips and falls in getting out. Grabbing his towel, he struggles to put it on as he gets up.

P. finishes, putting his apron back down.

He looks in the mirror, polishing his helmet, still laughing

"Hahaha, You might want to hurry up and put that towel on, James. It's been awhile since I've seen a woman as pretty as you without clothes on..." he says, mocking James.

James walks out of the room, "You sausage miner! I'll get you back for this, watch your ass, cuz I'll jam it way up there!"

P looks over, concerned, and Walter peers out of his room (Which is actually Henry's old laundry room).

"What the hell?" asks Walter, a look of scared wonder on his face.

"Uhh.. My foot.... I mean..." James says, trying weakly to defend himself.

P. goes back to polishing his helmet and Walter goes back into his room.

James runs down the hallway, crying like a wounded animal hanging by its teats from a guardrail. "I hate you guys! Pick on me because my Mommy shoved a rolling pin up my ass, will you? I'll show you!"

Henry's voice is heard from the closet, "what happened, did James drink the bug spray again?"

AN: Well, I do hope that this was an improvement. Please, let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

(Der Moose)

AN Sorry about the crappiness of the writing in the first chapter, my computer was being weird and didn't put some of the symbols and stuff in, so please forgive me for that, and enjoy the second chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Silent Hill or any of the characters

Chapter 2

After a couple minutes of crying in his room, James gets up and runs to the kitchen when he smells something tasty. He is prepared for some bacon, or maybe some fried potatoes, but when he gets to the kitchen, he stares in horror...

There is a Mannequin in the refrigerator, dressed up like a sailor, eating mayo through one of it's crotches. James turns away in terror, "P! Come on, Man, its called Vaseline and a dirty movie!"

P looks over from the stove, where he is fixing everyone's breakfast, "What the hell are you talking... WHAT THE BLOODY DOGSHIT???" He too stares in pure shock and terror, as it finished all the mayo, then it saw the spaghetti, and starts slurping it through it's nasty, mayo covered crotch.

James vomits all over the table, starts to cry and curls up on the ground, babbling things about his mother, "Mommy, you don't have to hit me anymore... I didn't wear your make-up, I swear..."

Meanwhile, the Mannequin in the fridge hits the jackpot... many, many cans of golden, sweet, beer...

P kicks James in the head, "James, get your psychotic ass up, it's got the beer!"

James gets to his feet faster than humanly possible, and stares at the thing, slurping down all his beer through its crotch... to graphic a scene for me to go into without getting in trouble probably... sorry... :(

The horrible monster seemed to be laughing at them, and it 'spit' a bottle at them, shattering it at their feet.

When James and P saw this, they nodded to each other, P pulled out the Great Knife, grinning (kinda...), and James pulled out the Great Knife he stole from P's former room.

P recognizes his "lost" weapon, "James, I am going to eat your children... but first, lets kill this bitch before it drinks ALL the beer!"

They raise the blades above their heads, and they hear a voice say, "hey guys, watcha gonna kill this time?"

They turn around and see Walter, who sees the Mannequin, "NOOOO!!!! DON'T KILL BARBARA!!!!"

James lifts up the sword again, "Sorry, bitch, it drank most of the beer... it has to die..."

Walter hits James in the back of the head with a brick he took out of his trench coat, then crams things into James' rectum. He slings Barbara the Mannequin over his shoulder, "It's alright, honey, I'm not gonna let that psycho eat all your turkey nibbles..."

P watches as Walter and his... 'girlfriend' walk away, and things start dropping out of Walter's Coat, including Vaseline, a garden hose, and a sparkling pink 'unicorn horn'. Walter doesn't notice it and keeps going, and when he is finally out of P's sight, a small rodent scurries down the hall and shoots itself.

"How did...no... not this time..." P decides to forget everything he just saw and finish fixing breakfast.

/Two Hours and a Beer Run later.../

P gets back from the store with lots of beer and hears something that sounds like a squirrel getting it up the butt by a bear. "James, are you alright? Did you try to eat with your nose again? I already told you that was a bad idea..."

James' voice sounded like he was in pure agony, coming from the bathroom. "P! There's something wrong with my butt!"

"Hahaha! Your butt sucks... here, have a beer, and best of luck to ya, sailor!" P hands James a beer, "O yea, James, drink the stuff in the green bottle, that should help instantly" he says and laughs under his breath. (Oh yea, it'll help alright)...

Meanwhile... in the closet...

Henry is singing boyscout songs and eating stale wheat thins...

Meanwhile... in the bathroom...

James drinks the stuff in the green bottle, then his beer, nothing happened... "What a rip off" he was going to ask P. For a spoon when all of a sudden, it felt like there was a billion pounds of pressure behind his rectum.

Meanwhile... in the kitchen...

P is putting away the groceries when he hears a sound that is even worse than the last one... "it sounds like a gerbil giving birth to a littler full grown elephants... and then someone dumped a truckload of duckshit into the kiddy pool..."

James is heard crying and yelling, "WHY? WHAT DID I DO!? DADDY, NO!!!"

P goes to the bathroom door, giggling like a schoolgirl, "James, what's the matter?"

James, still crying says, "P! There are things... things that came out of my butt... things I can't explain..."

About to lose it, P says, "What do you see James? What is it?"

"I see... a grapefruit... and... an action figure... and a blowtorch... and a can of soup... and a clown shoe... and so much more... I'm not sure exactly how much, I think I'm gonna die..."

James is interrupted by the sound of chainsaws and grinding flesh and bone, and of course, splattering noises...

--------------------------------------

AN. What is the mysterious sound that interrupted James? (As if you have to guess)... What adventure will follow? And what else will we find in James' ass? Find out next time, on!!! the MOST RETARDED THING EVER WRITTEN!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

(Der Moose)

AN Back again I see? I hope it doesn't suck too badly, if it does, let me know and ill go punish myself...

anyhow, enjoy the third Chapter.

Disclaimer: again... I don't own anything

Chapter 3

"Oh no... Walter just ass-raped Barbara with that chainsaw of his, didn't he?" says P. angrily, James' voice is heard from the bathroom, "He did WHAT?! Aww, man... Do I have to clean up the mess this time too?"

_FLASHBACK_

_Two Months Ago..._

_The Apartment..._

James is sitting on the couch, happily playing dollies with Laura when he heard a buzzing sound. Only a few seconds later, he hears P. scream, "James, come up here, quick!" James ran over to the sound of P.s' voice, into Walter's room.

When he opens the door, he is slapped in the face by a thick hunk of bloody, rotten flesh. Walter is in the dryer, bloody and giggling and eating pieces of the raw flesh, chainsaw in hand. The Corpse of a carved up Nurse creature sprawled out on the ground, barely recognizable.

P. Is in the corner of the room, "James, you clean up this mess right now, or you are in BIG trouble, mister!"

"But Walter---"

James starts to protest, but P. Throws the mop at him and says, "James, it's your turn to clean, remember? I did the Dishes last night? And besides, look at that face... how can you stay mad at that sweet face?" Walter has a face contorted with maniacal giggling, spattered with blood and pieces of flesh and bone in his hair. James sighs in defeat and shakes his head.

"There's a good boy!" P. Says enthusiastically, tossing James a biscuit, which he failed to catch, and it landed straight into a puddle of gore, and before James could wash it off, Walter rushed out, bit James in the tit, and took the biscuit back to the dryer.

(To make a long story short, James spent the next two days cleaning up the mess, while Walter stared at him hungrily from the dryer, throwing firecrackers at his feet every eighth minute of every third hour... When James was done, he stood in the doorway in triumph, smelling the clean when P walked by and slapped him in the balls, sending poor James to the ground in horrible pain...)

_END FLASHBACK_

"Yes James, you have to clean up this time too... unless you want to feed Henry, that is..."

Henry's muffled voice is heard from in the closet, "Hey guys, those weren't wheat thins you gave me... I don't know what exactly they were, but I ate them anyway... and can I have something to drink? I think I'm going to die in here if I don't get some water... it's been a week since last water... oh, and I'm swimming in my own feces, can you send James in to clean it up?"

"Quit bitching Henry, so am I!!!" James shouts, splashy sounds are heard, "Hey! Mr. Duckykins! There you are, let's play Submarine! (Higher voice) Ship ahoy, sailor!!!"

P. Shakes his head and walks away... both disgusted and ashamed to live with these people, but nonetheless decides to check on the damage in Walter's room.

Meanwhile... in Walter's Room

Walter climbs into the freshly gutted corpse of his Mannequin lover, Barbara... "So... warm... feels like... Mother... I must be back in the womb!" he stitches the flesh back together around himself except for the face, giggling the entire time.

Walter is startled as P opens the door and starts babbling, slipping and sliding in the pool of Mannequin blood and plastic organs...

P stares in horror as he gazes upon this grizzly scene, "Walter... NOT AGAIN!!!! Why did you ass rape Barbara with that chainsaw?!"

AN Sorry it was short... and probably shitty... but let me know your opinions so I can either go on writing it, or just stop putting you all through the pain of such shit... Read and Review, please, thank you... You rule for reading this story, you are good people...


	4. Chapter 4

(Der Moose)

My apologies for the extremely short, probably disappointing third chapter, but onto longer and better chapters! Enjoy the fourth chapter of this saga...

Chapter 4

Walter looks around the room wondering how it got all bloody, why he was wearing a suit of gore, and why P was staring at him. "Well?" P inquires, "Well what? How the hell did my room get all messed up?"

P shakes his head, "agh... Walter, you were in psychosis again... you ass-raped Barbara with your chainsaw, and then gutted her and climbed into her corpse..."

There is a horribly awkward silence, and Walter bursts out laughing, "Yeah right, P... that's a good one..."

P sighs in frustration"Wal..."

Walter cuts him off, "Well... no, I guess you are kinda right..."

P looks up.

"I WAS inside her!" Walter rolls in the gore, laughing his balls off...

"Walt..." he is cut off again... "Get it? INSIDE her? Get it? Get it?"

P walks out of the room, shaking his head... Walter calls after him, "But seriously, where is Barbara, and why is my room all messed up?"

Meanwhile... in the kitchen...

James is sitting at the table eating lunch when P. Comes in and joins him...

"Hey P. My butt doesn't hurt anymore!" James announced happily.

"That's... uh... great, James! You know, that just made my day, knowing that your rectum doesn't have a bunch of stuff in it..."

"Really?"

"NO! hahaha!" P. Retorted.

James threw his sandwich at P's head, "Bitch.." he said as he walked away.

"You are so dead..." P aid as he picked the sandwich up off of the floor... "James... I will tear your... oooo... headcheese!"

Meanwhile... in James' room...

James sat on his bed, pouting and grumbling nasty things about P. "Stupid mean old P. He is such a butt sniffer!"

Meanwhile... in James' closet...

"There he is! Hmmm... I wonder if he's going to masturbate again?"

Meanwhile... back to James...

James is bitching between sobs about how noone loves him, and about how his grandparents used to slap him around with hockey sticks and call him a faggot...

He stopped crying for a second when he heard something, "Shut the hell up in there, Henry!" he yelled angrily.

"Wrong closet, Tard!" said a voice.

"Oh... okay..." he said, and went back to crying..

"Hey aren't you going to investigate me... er... that noise?" the voice asked, anxiously...

James broke off mid-sob, "No..."

The mysterious closet dwelling voice gave an exasperated sigh, "Fine, I'll just give myself up then..."

Out of the closet comes...

"Oh, hey Maria..."

"Hey there, James honey, what's the matter?"

"P.'s being a butt sniffer..."

"Awww... poor little Jamesey... I'm gonna make you feel all better..."

She goes for his zipper, but he slaps her, throws her onto the bed, and puts a pillow over her face, "Mommy told me never to let ANYONE touch me there!"

Maria fights for a bit, then nothing... James takes the pillow off, "Except for her..."

Meanwhile... in Walter's room...

Walter rides in the dryer, spinning round and round when he hears his walkie-talkie beep, "Ooo... I bet that's James calling with another corpse for me!"

"Hey, Walter! I got another one for you!" James says.

"One minute James, I'll be right back..."

Walter Jumped up into the air and slid on his knees across the floor, "YUS! Points for Walter!"

He pick the phone back up, "Copy that... bring it in..." He tosses the walkie-talkie into the dryer and talks to himself, "Doctor Sullivan... time to operate..." he says with a sickening grin on his face..."

Meanwhile... in the Living Room...

P. is extraordinarily bored, so he decides to go on a walk...

He heads out the door and walks into town...

He was minding his own business, just walking along, when he felt a sharp pain in his ass... and then all went black...

A/N... Sorry it took so long to update... school is a bitch... anyways... I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope that you'll be as stoked as I am for chapter 5, it'll be one hell of a party!

Also special thanks to my few, but entirely awesome reviewers, thank you very much, and shame on the hosers who don't review!


	5. Chapter 5

(Der Moose)

AN Hahaha, thought I was gone, didn't you? Nope, I decided to pick this story back up for my loyal (yet few so far....) readers, who are entirely awesome by the way....

Anyhow, without further chatter, onto Chapter Fiveཀཀཀ

*disclaimer* I still do not own anything related to Silent Hill... everything related to Silent Hill belongs to the people who made it, not me.

Chapter 5

It is about mid day now, and Henry is humming along happily in his closet. Were it any other person on earth in Henry's place, they would have lost their mind by now, but Henry always seems to keep a positive attitude, never letting the closet prison bring him down.

He hears crazy sounds coming from Walter's room, that is, his old laundry room. He remembered the old times.. The times back when the apartment was originally his. Ah yes, it was all coming back to him.... the crazy demon ghosts, the chains, and even the hole.

"Ah, the hole... Good times.." Henry said aloud to himself, smiling, remembering the thrill of the chase.

"I got chased by a whore and a fat guy... hahahaཀ" the thought seemed to brighten his spirits a bit.

He reminisced for awhile, remembering some of the more hilarious adventures and crazy hijinks that occurred before he was locked into his own closet. Like the time he got mauled by that dog in the subway... and that time he found a handgun... the one time he stole Walter's porn.

After awhile, he thought about more serious thoughts, like how he wound up locked in his own closet to begin with...

_FLASHBACK_

_Undisclosed Amount of Time Ago_

_The Apartment_

Henry looks in awe, gaping into the dark abyss in his bathroom wall.

"Hole..." he says to noone in particular. He started to wonder how exactly something like this happens in everyday life, but is interrupted by a tap on his shoulder.

He turns around to see who it was, only to see a crusty looking hobo standing behind him. If it were any other hobo, Henry would have been afraid, but it was his old friend from highschool.

"Oh, hey Walter, what are you– Ahhཀ Noཀཀ"

Henry is interrupted mid sentence as Walter slaps him in the balls and pushes him into the hole.

Henry screeches all the way down as he hit kinks in the cement. Finally, he suffers one bit of head trauma too many, and promptly passes out.

When he wakes up, he was in an enclosed space, looking around, he sees a door with light shining through the crack. He tries to open it, only to discover that it was locked.

"Oh well, might as well make the best of it" he says with slight disappointment.

_END FLASHBACK_

"Yup, that was a bummer. At least its nice and warm in here..." he says, warming his hands over an imaginary fire.

Meanwhile.... Location Undisclosed

P. wakes up, groggily. He is in a dimly lit room, and upon further inspection, chained to the wall.

"Chains? That's it? Chains?" P. Asks himself, confidently. "It's going to take more than chains to stop _this_ sexy motherfu— wait, what is this?" he inquired to himself, pulling something out of his ass.

"A dart?" P. Inquires to himself, "Someone dares kidnap the legendary P.? Im'a have to slap a bitch.."

P. rips the chains out of the wall and storms out of the room angrily, looking for any indication of where he is.

Meanwhile.... Walter's room

James walks in, the body of Maria slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, Walter, look what I've got!" he says eagerly.

Walter looks up from the bit of floor he was staring at, "I know... you already told me... *coughretardcough*"

"Are you alright, Walter? You should take something for that cough, we can't have you contaminating our patient, you know. She might get sick!"

Walter stares at James for a moment, wondering how he got dressed by himself.

"James?" Walter asks, frustration heavy in his voice.

"Yes?" James replies, an oblivious, brainless smile on his face.

Walter shakes his head, giving up.

"Never mind.. Just put the body down..."

"Okeydokey!" He says cheerfully, setting the body down.

Walter goes over to his chest, rummaging through for his scalpel. Upon finding it, he holds it up victoriously, smiling and thinking that he looks cool. He walks over to his 'patient' and grins.

"Hey, James, think we should put the organs in the closet with Henry again?" he asks eagerly.

James starts to giggle a bit, "Yeah! He cried last time!"

Walter snickers as he recalls the event, "Yeah! Hahaha! He totally pissed himself.."

He touches the scalpel to the neck of the cadaver in front of him, grinning a sick, wide grin. As he is about to make the incision, he hears a beeping noise. Looking up at James, he realizes that it is his watch. James presses the button to stop the alarm and looks at Walter, a grin of excited stupidity plastered on his face.

"Walter! Walter! It's time to go beat up the old Lady next door, come on!"

"But James! What about our patient?" Walter protests.

"Walter, we have to go now, if we don't, she might call the cops before we get there!" He whines.

Walter throws the scalpel in defeat, "Dammit! You're right.. Alright, lets hurry this up then!"

The two dash out of the room, screeching half-assed war cries. They grab blunt objects from around the house and go next door, bashing the front door in, still screeching. Their war screech was cut short, however, as they processed what they were seeing.

James starts to cry, and Walter drops his blunt object, "Oh shit..." he says in shock and disbelief.

Meanwhile... P.'s location.

"Dude, where am I?" P. Asks himself.

He has been walking around what seemed to be a factory of some sort for a good few hours. It was a crumbling, dilapidated mess of a building. There are sinister looking machines strewn about that made P. feel slightly at home. Having found no exit in the main halls, he decides to start checking all of the many doors.

"May as well," he mumbles, "Besides, what's the worst that could be here?"

Slightly more optimistic, P. decides to start looking into the rooms, he picks a door, confident that it may provide some clue as to where he was and how to get out. His confidence was however, brutally betrayed a he peered into the room. What he saw was enough to make even the mighty P. throw up inside of his own helmet.

"Why? Why would that even need to exist?" He asks himself, slamming the door shut. After a minute or two, he is filled with angry, bitter frustration.

"How am I supposed to clean my helmet in a place like this? It's just not fair!" He shouts, rolling around on the floor in tantrum, vomit sloshing around in his helmet.

AN: Well, It finally came... I hope that you enjoyed it, I know I did, hahaha. I forgot how much fun it is to be juvenile sometimes.. Anyhow, please read and review..


	6. Chapter 6

(Der Moose)

AN: Well how-dee, all. Here lay chapter six, I do hope that you enjoy it. I bet you want to find out what happened to P. And James & Walter, right? All of you who are cool enough to read this, I'm sure that you'll be cool enough to leave me a review, right? Of course you will! Thanks, enjoy!

*disclaimer* I do not own Silent Hill or any of the characters in it.

Chapter 6

Everything is dark as Walter regains consciousness, he has been blindfolded. He tries to get up, but finds that he is tied to what feels like a chair.

"James.. James!! Where are you?" He asks frantically.

He hears a slight whimpering from somewhere in the room. Having heard that sound many times before, he knew instantly that it was James.

"James! Quit crying and tell me where we are!" he shouts angrily.

James responds by whimpering more bitterly.

"Shut up Walter! My ass hurts again.." he bitches.

Walter sighs as he shakes his head.

"Ah, cheer up, James, come on... who's the beefiest little beefcake, who is it?" he says, trying to console his friend.

"Come on, Walter.. That's not going to work this time... there are things in my ass again.. Lots more this time..." James replies, sounding miserable.

"Who's the beefiest.." Walter stops mid-sentence, processing exactly what he just heard. "Wait, what?" he asks.

"There are things in my ass again... a lot more than last time...." He repeats.

Walter bites his lip, trying not to burst out laughing. He wonders how it worked out that James never found out it was him who had done it last time.

"I'm, uh... I'm sorry to hear that, James..." he says, choking back the laughter.

Minutes go by with nothing more said, just as Walter is about to lose it and laugh his ass off, the sound of a heavy door opening breaks the silence.

"Time to play, Boys...." a deep voice grunts.

Meanwhile... back in the closet..

Henry finds a box labeled 'Henry's old Shit' in the back of the closet.

"Ah, the memories.." Henry says warmly, smiling as he takes off the lid.

He peers eagerly into the box, not able to recall what it contained.

Inside he finds a combat knife, a lighter, the porn that he stole from Walter, the testicle of a beaver on a string, a loaded .357 revolver, and a key that says, "key to the closet".

Henry sighs, "Ah... those were the days..." he reminisces.

His heart sinks as he realizes this, his smile turning into a frown... "NO! Those were NOT the days! Doctor said I should not...."

He starts to smile again, this time maliciously, "But it was so fun.... they never stood a chance, the little..."

"NO! nonononononoNO!" He screams, reaching into his pocket and popping a pill from his prescription bottle.

"Never... again..." he pants, slamming the lid back on the box and throwing it as far away from himself as possible.

Being now extremely distressed, Henry reaches for his emergency 'sugar pills' and pops one.

Within a matter or seconds, Henry starts to relax, smiling once more.

"Oh yea...." he says to himself, giggling.

"Well hello there, Mr. And Mrs. Chinsington, how are the you today?" he asks, looking at the closet door.

Meanwhile... back with P.

P. walks along slowly, a sloshing sound can be heard with each step.

"Son of a bitch.. Gonna kill that son of a bitch.. Kidnap me, will you? Put me in a place like this will you? Make me smell my own vomit for hours on end will yo..." his tirade is suddenly interrupted as a sound comes from behind one of the doors.

The wittle tiny wheels and gears start to turn in his mind...

" Last one was bad...." he established, "this one could be bad too...." he thought to himself..

"Or, it could be good this time..." he reasoned, "The risk may be worth the benefit.."

After a few more moments of hard thought, P. decides to go for it.

Once more full of hope, he reaches for the door knob and turns it.

As he pushes the door open, he finds that there is nothing horrible in this room, only what looked to be a lead brick on a table.

P. smiles, satisfied, he walks in.

"Hey.... this isn't such a bad room after all, not like the last one." he says, grimacing as he remembered the first room he tried.

He started to walk forward slowly, with a 'slosh, slosh'.

"That was horrific.. Just a big, sloppy.." he managed to get out before his sense of security was once more betrayed brutally.

The lead brick on the table had launched itself forward, smashing our poor friend P. in the genitals.

He falls to the floor, screeching.

He curls up in pain, becoming aware of the vomit once more as it sloshes against his face.

The combination of the vomit in his helmet and the newly acquired pain in his nut is too much the mighty P. He curls up tighter on the floor, rocking himself.

AN: Well, the chapter was not too horribly long, sorry.. But it was not too horribly short either, so its not all bad. Anyhow, I hope that you enjoyed, it was fun to write. Want to know what happens to our 'heroes' next? Find out next time! Please review..


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